Although I am not yet sure when they will be broadcast, yesterday I spent a couple of hours in the company of a lovely team of people from GWN7 News recording a couple of stories.
It took a huge effort to overcome my anxiety of being filmed, and subsequently living with the expectation that many people will now be exposed to my truth.
I’m living as my authentic self, and that makes me happy. However a side effect of that authenticity, is that I live with a constant, and crushing sensation that the rest of world perceives me as a huge failure, a freakish, unpleasant to look at, waste of space. Worthy of only derision, or at best mild revulsion.
In the interests of moving forward on my journey I politely turned down the request by the film crew of shooting the feature with me somehow incognito. It was the right time to rediscover my sensation of pride.
I’m going to be honest, it was hard. It took three quarters of a cup of very strong tea before I could even sit in the chair, and then another ten minutes before I really felt like I was on top of the situation. I experienced moments when I was absolutely focused on delivering the outcome of a positive story, but this was interspersed with moments of rising panic, that were hard work to suppress. By the time the last question rolled off the lips of the reporter I was absolutely ready to move aside from the piercing stare of the huge camera and let Jane take over.
We then moved on to shoot some other footage, including Jane and I walking to the Garage to get our Ural out. Quite how the presence of a camera made this simple, every day task so difficult I cannot explain. But if you see the broadcast, please try and stifle your giggles. My acting career was brief, and thankfully didn’t involve a speaking part. On the plus side my performance would have made Keith Chegwin envious, so there is always a silver lining.
Overall it was a very positive experience. The GWN Team were sensitive and professional, even when carefully reversing down the drive….near so many precious motorcycles and camera things…… ;o)
So onto a slightly lighter, but still related story…
As the heading might suggest, this is not the first time I have “Been on the Tele” the difference being, last time there was no interview. The broadcast consisted of a very stern lecture delivered from a Senior Policeman on the responsible use of speed, and some grainy footage of a Red blur heading up the M4 at speeds approaching “Escape Velocity.” They then appealed for any information on the rider of a Red Kawasaki with a black leather jacket, long hair and black boots. Which was just about everybody back then 🙂
They would have liked an interview of course, but fortunately my Kawasaki 900 was faster than the London Metropolitan Police Traffic Car whose occupants clearly wanted to discuss something with me very badly.
I’m not proud, but in my defence I was tasked with delivering a very urgent legal document and I didn’t want to let my boss down because of some polite chit chat with Her Majesty’s Constabulary on the topic of “Did I know exactly how fast I was going ? “, and, “Did I know that my rear number plate was so small, and so far under the seat we can’t read it ?”
The document was delivered, which was rather ironically, a document essential to the Crown Prosecution Team in a big nasty case. The prosecution case was saved, I was paid, and I and I slipped quietly out of London avoiding as many main roads as I could, and got home just in time to see myself “On The Tele”
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