At the tail end of last week, I ticked anther couple of boxes…..
The pleasant spring weather allowed me to make my first trip to Perth on a motorcycle since my transition. I am so glad I paid the extra for the Vanity mirror to be fitted in “Trunk” of the luxurious Roadmaster. I still need to work out what to do with my rapidly growing hair. It took a good five minutes of painful brushing once I arrived at work to eliminate all the “knots.”
It felt great to be back commuting on two wheels, and the ability to filter through the crazy Perth traffic saved me some time. I also enjoyed a fairly spirited ride back from Perth to make sure Jane and I were not late for a “Body Image Workshop”
The session was run by a local Psychiatrist in the Busselton Family Centre, where we joined seven or eight other ladies to take part in the workshop.
I should point out that Jane was there just to gather ideas to help me, I really don’t think Jane could be more comfortable with herself than she already is.
As we walked into the venue, a lady approached Jane and I, and greeted us warmly , she told us she had been following my story, and enjoyed my speech at the Cinema. This surprised me, as it often does when strangers demonstrate acceptance. She complimented me on my blouse, and told me I looked great. I’m still not skilled in dealing with compliments. This may sound terrible, but I assume they are all untrue, since I believe its simply not possible for anyone to have anything good to say about me. I know me better than most, and since I can’t think of anything nice about me, how could anyone else ?
From the outset, every slide of the presentation resonated deeply with me. Its like I have a text book case of whatever it is that causes a poor body image.
I was coping ok, until the lady we greeted at the start, spoke about her personal experience. She described in detail her desire to hide from the world. She talked about how she doesn’t want to embarrass the people she is with, and how hard she finds it on some days to step out of her house and into daily life. I was able to completely and totally identify with everything she was saying, and I became emotional. The language she used to describe herself was so similar it was almost “spooky.” We are two very different people, but we share the common experience of powerful self loathing.
For me this was a pivotal moment. In this lady, I saw a warm, friendly human being with no reason to hang her head in shame, or hide herself from view. I suppressed the desire to walk across the room, give her a hug, and tell her she was magnificent, which I now regret. My confidence reserves were used up just by being present in the room, hugging a stranger was just a step too far. But I did take something from the experience, there is a seed sown. Something tells me, that if that lovely, unique, and magnificent person can feel like that for no reason, then perhaps I do too.
Thank you HL.
Leave a Reply