Today across much of the Western Word, families will be celebrating Fathers Day.
They will be celebrating with messages of love and affection, greetings cards, treats, dinner out, and more than likely gifts specially made for the festival by sharp minded entrepreneurs.
The origins of this day for celebrating Paternal joy, are from a predominantly Catholic celebration that was not really picked up by the rest of the Western World until relatively recently. I’m not Catholic, but neither am I immune to sentiment and tradition, so of course, I sent my Father a gift, and just a few minutes ago I called up the UK and had my first conversation with him for many months.
Considering the potential, it was a benign conversation, I wished him well, I shared with him updates about his Grandchildren and Jane, and as I listened to his news, I offered soothing words when he talked of his suffering.
Despite everything that has happened between us, I remain compelled to call him, to engage with his pain, and to care. It is a fascinating and complex relationship.
So “Would I like him to know ?”
We talk infrequently so the burden of hiding from him an indelible Truth is not too hard, and he would, I believe find only shame, not pride in my transition. I choose not to answer his questions of “How are things with you ?” It is far easier to ignore them, than it is to lie.
He knows nothing of my journey, it is kept from him by the Family, as they believe it is in his best interests. They may or may not be right. The Truth was never really terribly important to him. He always walked the path of least resistance, and dealing with challenging realities is never easy for him.
I can’t say if that approach is right or wrong. From a Utilitarian perspective, it is almost certainly better for him to remain blissfully unaware. He can live out the remainder of his life protected from the potential trauma of knowing something he may find massively disturbing.
This course of action does however contrast wildly with the messages of unconditional Love that will be plastered across swathes of lightweight short-lived cardboard today. I didn’t send a Card, because I couldn’t find one that said “I didn’t grow out of ‘IT’ and now I am a Woman.”
A little more than 50 years has elapsed since RPA became my Father. His views and opinions may be anchored to that time, but mine are not.
I will continue to Practice Compassion and Forgiveness and I always will.
Happy Fathers Day Dad.
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