WASP News

This time last week, once again I was ready to quit. Really quit. Give up on everything, and check out for good.

Its not easy writing so openly about all of my experiences. I am sure for many people reading about my desire for non existence is particularly hard. If you are one of those people, please understand its incredibly difficult to expose the depths of my despair because I know it will hurt. My intent for this journal is that it be as open and  honest about the journey as possible. Not just recording the incredible highs, but also exploring the full range and extent of the intense self loathing that lives right next door to Gender Incongruence.

However…….for the first time since December, and yes it really has been going on that long, I’ve managed seven consecutive days without feeling hopeless and worthless.

Seven consecutive days without shoulder shaking sobbing and the corresponding tears, that seem to never end.

Seven consecutive days without contemplating self annihilation.

Seven days, that have slowly and consistently built on each successive small improvement.  A change in medication, a gentle start to regular exercise and daily meditation. As I have said before, there is still much to do, but for the first time in months, I actually feel like its worth doing.

I’m back on the bridge.

Once again, sincere thanks, you know who you all are.

Gratitude is not easy to measure. Real Gratitude, sincere Gratitude is impossible to quantify, I’m thinking about  the kind of Gratitude that can’t be expressed with a bunch of flowers or a bottle of wine. The scale of my Gratitude to everyone walking alongside me is at that level, immeasurable, sincere and real.