The Countdown has started…..
On Friday morning I am scheduled to stroll calmly into a large office in the centre of Perth and say “Hi” to a small group of very important people, and join them for Tea….
In keeping with the open and honest nature of this journal, I will report that the prospect is mildly terrifying, and I would like to explore why…..
Before we get into the nuts and bolts, it is worth reiterating, that my employer has publicly declared, and recently proved, its willingness to invite its employees to bring their whole selves to work. How remarkable is it, that I am working for one of the most inclusive organisations in this country during my transition.
So with Jane by my side, I will be heading into a remarkably supportive environment. An office, and place of work that for the most part appears to be populated with colleagues who are at least equally supportive. With this in mind I really need to understand what it is that I am afraid of, and why that fear is intense enough to induce perspiration just thinking about it.
Over the last few months I have sought to help my colleagues understand the difficulty surrounding my decision to transition. As I settle back into this environment Judgement is inevitable, but if I have increased their understanding of the challenges I have faced, my hope is that the Judgement will be less harsh. As I have noted before, all of this insecurity around judgement is anchored in my past, I recognise it, but so far I can’t beat it.
The root of my fear for Friday is the gap between the importance of the event, and the degree of confidence I have. My fear is proportional to the scale of that disparity, and it is huge.
Back to the countdown…..
At the moment, the Tea is already Minus One (Get Well soon Sean !) I am hoping it will not be Tea Minus Two.
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