The way people greet us, may seem on the face of it like such an insignificant detail, that for the most part, I suspect it goes largely unnoticed. “Hi” “GDay” “Morning” etc…
Rightly or wrongly, for me it has become a measure of success. I am operating with a heightened awareness of the first seconds of the initial moments when meeting people. I find myself looking for small gestures, the tiniest movement of lips and eyes, hunting for any clues that reveal how this person is responding to me.
This behaviour is not born of vanity, but fear. I am desperate for acceptance in my affirmed Gender role. Yet somehow it seems like I am not looking for validation, but instead asking for permission from the rest of the world to exist in manner that I feel is correct for me.
During a discussion yesterday, the idea of commitment to this new reality of mine, this new “normal” was mentioned by the partner of another Trans woman we were fortunate enough to spend some time with, and this concept really resonated with me.
It occurred to me last night whilst watching a Led Zeppelin tribute act, that I need to be happy with where I am. The lead singer of the band was not Robert Plant. He tried incredibly hard. He put in an outstanding performance, but he will never be Robert Plant. Despite this, he made both himself, and the packed crowd very happy. We accepted, embraced, and enjoyed.
It doesn’t stop there……
The motorcycle I am riding this week was clearly inspired by the Harley Davidson Glides. American built, and sharing many common characteristics with the source of its inspiration. It will never be a Harley, but it is a superb motorcycle. Arguably, in this humble riders opinion, better in almost every respect, lacking only the rich back story of the revered brand.
I am enjoying a renewed commitment to my “new normal.”
So far today, I was once, twice, three times a lady, all before midday, so it seems to be working.
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