One of the exercises I have undertaken with my counsellor is to address myself at an earlier stage in life. Given that I am approaching the first anniversary, of beginning my transition I thought it would be interesting to write to myself a year ago……
Dear Suzanne,
Get used to that name, its been in your head a while, and you are going to hear it a lot more….
But be prepared, the next twelve months is not going to be easy. You will feel isolated and exposed. But don’t panic, there are people in your life who really want you to succeed, seek them out and lean on them, they are expecting it, and they will be incredibly grateful for the opportunity to help.
You will make it !
Make sure you take the time to enjoy those moments when the world begins to respond to you as you believe it should. This is real, and so is the love. Those moments may be few and far between initially, but they keep coming, and they keep getting better.
Be prepared for some surprises, and on the subject of surprises…..Those people who you are worried about telling. Don’t ! Believe it or not, they like you, and they will continue to do so. Nothing changes, the more worried you are, the stronger the bond, the less you need to worry.
You are going to need to be stronger than you realise. This level of honesty, authenticity and openness is immensely difficult. Draw some strength from the fact that I don’t believe there exists, a more solid example of living an existential life. You are crossing the boundaries of Gender, rejecting the Societal norms and defining the shape of your existence. Well Done !
Finally, understand you don’t own the problems of the world. You are not responsible for the way everyone feels. Don’t apologise for you. Own your identity.
Be Proud, Don’t Hide, You have survived some serious shit, you have earned your place on the planet. The people that love you, really do love you.
Oh, and those Red shoes, they look nice, but seriously when are you going to wear them ?
Leave a Reply