As I work through the changes in my medication, it has become apparent that one effect of the Anti Depressant (AD) that I have been taking, has been to mask to a certain extent, the feelings of Gender Incongruence.
For some time I have felt increasingly at ease with myself. Presumably the raging battle between my physical manifestation, and the way I feel has been suppressed by whatever chemical wizardry has been taking place within my skull.
The net result of the recent changes in AD medication is that the visceral revulsion I feel for my appearance has returned with a vengeance.
My day starts with all the necessary ablutions in front of two square metres of highly polished mirror. Not a great way to begin for someone so at odds with their appearance. The intensely uncomfortable reality of Gender Dysphoria hits hard when confronted with a filter free, life-size view of reality.
I feel a degree of inadequacy that it is not easy to convey, so I won’t try, because it hurts.
I’m doing my best to change how I feel, because that its going to be a whole heap easier, and a lot less tiring than chasing an ideal me that can never exist.
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