I work hard to build an internal image of myself, that allows me to function. With a belief that I look reasonably ok, I am able to do what I need to do. I hold that image, and it gets me to where I need to be.
Yesterday, someone took a photo of the back of my head, and I wanted to show the entire world. It was, I felt at the time, quite the most marvellous image of me ever seen.
Today someone took a photo of me from the front, and seeing it makes me want to crawl into oblivion.
The internal model taking me through my day has been shattered, and replaced by the realisation, that I am as far away from where I want to be, as I ever have been.
Starting with tomorrow, I have some seriously important events to attend, and its fair to say that I have never felt more like hiding beneath a blanket and forgetting the outside world exists. I’m not sure what is going to give me the strength to get past the Front Door, but its going to have to be a significant force, and hopefully stronger than the darkness that is pulling me towards an eternity beneath a blanket.
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